OK, that’s just a nice way of saying I would lie. I would lie to get out of trouble. I would lie to get reactions. I would lie just to make things interesting.

It infuriated my mother.

When she confronted me, I would vehemently deny the lie.

Then, she got smart. She told me a story.

She told me the story of “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” It’s a folk tale about a boy who repeatedly tricks the village people into believing that a wolf is attacking his flock of sheep. When a wolf actually does attack his flock, the villagers don’t believe him and his sheep are killed. Moral: Liars are not believed, even when they tell the truth.

That story struck a chord with me and I changed my ways.

If you are trying to get people to make a change, rather than being immediately direct, which might cause resistance to set in, clothe your message in story.

I’m reminded of an old Jewish teaching story, “The Naked Truth.”

Truth, naked and cold, had been turned away from every door in the village. Her nakedness frightened the people. When Parable found her she was huddled in a corner, shivering and hungry. Taking pity on her, Parable gathered her up and took her home. There, she dressed Truth in story, warmed her and sent her out again. Clothed in story, Truth knocked again at the doors and was readily welcomed into the villagers’ houses. They invited her to eat at their tables and warm herself by their fires.

Dress up the truth. Clothe statistics in story. Decorate the dull.

Telling a story can connect with people emotionally in ways that a direct approach can’t. Plus, people remember stories. If they remember your story, they’ll remember your point. I’ve had quite a few people tell me they remember a story I tell about my mom and the lesson I learned, “Listen from Your Heart.”

So, the next time you want to get a point across, tell a story!

Do you want to engage your audience with stories? Want to learn the secrets of storytelling in business? Do you want to create your own compelling stories?

Yes? Then, come to my Storytelling for Business Workshop on Saturday, February 25! The Workshop tuition includes 3 90-minute sessions, materials, lunch and refreshments plus a free 30-minute follow-up phone consultation. The Early Bird deadline is 2/5 for the $79 tuition (save $20). If you register with a friend, the tuition is only $69.  Love to see you there!

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Syndey Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 23,000 times in 2011. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 9 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Have you ever been to a formal dinner and wondered what to do with all the silverware?  Or, have you inadvertently used someone else’s glass at a banquet?  The above picture can help you sort out what’s what before that next important dinner.   “BMW” is one way to remember the placement of Bread plate (left), Meal plate (middle) and Water (or other glasses-right).

Another way to remember (and very useful for helping children remember where the bread plate and drinks go), is to make the letters “b” and “d” with your hands.  The “b” with your left hand indicates that “bread” is to the left.  The “d” is for “drinks” to the right:

Here are some more tips to help young  (and not-so-young) people with dining etiquette.  This information is from a handout I made for a group of teen boys that I teach in a Communication and Speech Class (hence the BMW visual), but you may find it helpful, too!

1. Watch what others do, especially the host.  Don’t start eating until the host starts. (Family Style:  You can begin after everyone has received a little helping of each dish)
2. Napkins go on the lap when you sit down and on your seat when leaving the table temporarily.  At the end of the meal, place the used napkin, semi-folded, to the left of your plate.
3. Don’t be a hick: Don’t slurp liquids, burp, talk with your mouth full, pick at your teeth, lick fingers, rest elbows on the table, or wear a hat (unless outside).
4. Passing:  Ask for items to be passed to you rather than stretching across people or the table (family style: pass to the right—counter-clockwise).  Seconds can be passed in any direction.  Pass salt and pepper together.  Do not intercept a pass and snag an item for yourself.
5. Basic Utensil Rules:  Work from the outside in.  If a salad is served before the main meal, the salad fork will be on the outside.  Don’t use the dessert fork above your plate for the salad.  A fork may be used in the American style (switch hands) or Continental style (fork stays in the left hand).  Once a utensil is used it should never touch the table, not even “planking” off the plate.  Used utensils rest on the plate.                      When finished, they are placed parallel to each other at the “10 to 4” position.  Eat soup by scooping the spoon away from you and sip from the side, not the end.  Knives should never enter the mouth.  Serving utensils:  Always use serving utensils to serve yourself.  Don’t serve from a common dish with your personal utensils.   Do not use butter and condiment serving utensils on your own food.  Transfer a portion to your plate and then use your own utensil to spread.
6. Bite-size it. Most food should be cut into small, bite-sized pieces, if possible.  Do not cut up an entire serving of meat.  Cut 1-3 pieces at a time.  Rolls should be torn into bite-sized pieces (only tear one piece at a time).  Each piece is individually buttered.
7. Taste food BEFORE adding salt and pepper.  To do otherwise insults the cook.
8. Dinner partners rule! Generally speaking, do not talk on the phone, text, listen to music or read at the table.  If an urgent matter arises and you must attend to it, step away from the table.
9. Dinner conversation tips:
   1. Think before you speak
   2. Don’t interrupt
   3. Don’t monopolize the conversation.  Encourage others to talk by asking open-ended questions.
   4. Don’t say anything distasteful (gross, cursing, controversial).
   5. No negative comments about the food. Try at least a small portion of everything being served.
10. Thank the host!

Anything to add?

I’m all for making positive changes, but frankly new year’s resolutions are a waste of time.

Most people fail to keep them.

Why do they fail (and what can you do)?

1. Arbitrary timing.  Just because it’s a new year is not a motivating enough reason to create the desire to change.

2. Too many goals.  People usually come up with a resolution list.  Fighting the war of willpower on multiple fronts can be overwhelming.  Pick one goal to get started.  When you build your mental muscle in one area, you can leverage that new strength in another area.

3. Unrealistic goals.  Making a million dollars or losing 100 pounds might be unrealistic.  How about making $500 or losing 10 pounds to get started? Use S.M.A.R.T. goals.

4. Lack of an action plan.  Successful action plans typically involve breaking down goals into smaller action steps and rewarding yourself when you achieve a baby step.  Yes, this does mean you need to record your actions (e.g. a food journal).

5. Lack of action.  Most likely, you already know what to do.  You just need to do it.  If you need support to take action, get support.  Groups like Weight Watchers can help.

6. Lack of accountability.  If you keep a goal to yourself, nobody knows when you’ve blown it.  Tell friends and family.  Join a group.  Get an accountability partner.

7. Visualization of goal attainment.  OK.  I’m going completely against the self-help gurus’ advice here.  But in my experience visualizing myself having attained a goal has NEVER motivated me toward it.  In fact, if you believe the self-help gurus when they say that you can trick your brain into believing something is true when you visualize it, then your brain already believes you have attained your goal, so why work at it?  However, visualization of the steps to success can be helpful.  Many studies have shown that people who visualize themselves practicing something have more success than those who don’t. Visualize doing, not achieving.

8. Not controlling the environment.  If you want to avoid certain tempting foods, keep them out of the house.  You know your temptations.  Make plans to thwart them.  If you want to save more money, have money deducted from your paycheck for your 401K.

9. Giving up too easily.  Many people give up when they experience a setback.  Accept that there will be setbacks.  Remember two steps forward and one step back is still a step forward.

This year, don’t make resolutions; make a real change in your life.  One day at a time. One week at a time. One goal at a time.

What is your opinion on new year’s resolutions?

“Okay, everybody! We’re going to have a brainstorming session today. We need some new ideas . . .blah, blah, blah.”

So, do those words inspire you to come up with innovative ideas?

More likely, they inspire brain-freeze. Brain-freeze is a survival instinct that our brains go into when forced to do something that could be dangerous. A once-a-year, off-site brainstorming session led by a big-wig screams “DANGER” to our brains.

As Stevie Ray pointed out in his column “Brainstorming: Death to Innovation” in the Dec. 1 issue of the Minneapolis-St. Paul Business Journal, “The brain is much more interested in keeping us alive than in finding better ways of doing things.” So, if your organization “does” brainstorming as a once-in-a-while special event, you probably are wasting your time.

Good concept. Poor execution.

Is your organization doing any of these brainstorm-killers? Six Sure-Fire Ways to Kill a Brainstorm

I’ll do a post later on “Better Brainstorming,” but I’d love to hear from you.

Have you experienced effective brainstorming?  What have you seen work?

The elevator pitch.

You probably have one—a quick (60-second), appealing summary of what your business offers.

Being able to articulate benefits and speak about your business is important, but let me offer a contrarian view: ditch the pitch.

Here’s why:

1. Elevator pitches sound like sales pitches.  Nobody likes to be pitched right off the bat.
2. Elevator pitches are too long.  Sixty seconds is a long time to be talking when you meet a prospect.  You should be listening more.
3. Elevator pitches can get stale over time.  You can get bored saying the same thing over and over.  Your business changes.  Your customer changes. What you say should change, too.
4. Elevator pitches are often too general.  They don’t speak to specific needs.
5. Elevator pitches create anxiety when people try to memorize them.  It can be counter-productive to spend a lot of time coming up with the perfect pitch only to feel almost paralyzed when the time comes to use it.

So, what do I suggest?

• Start with a “bumper-sticker” version of your elevator pitch—something of about 8-12 words that is both natural and leaves people wanting to hear more.  For example, I might say, “I help people have better, more profitable conversations.”

• Come up with a few different “modules” of benefits or statements that you can use for different prospects or in different situations (a longer pitch may actually be appropriate in a formal networking situation in which everyone gives a “commercial.”).  Include “modules” of some short anecdotes to illustrate your benefits with a personal touch.  People may forget your pitch, but they will remember the story of how you made a difference for a customer.

Many of the articles on elevator speeches can give you great ideas, just don’t feel you have to cram it all in in 60 seconds.  Chunk it out.

• Plan on having a conversation with your prospect.  Listen for their pain points and “insert” your “modules” as appropriate.

What are your thoughts on elevator pitches?

Here’s Seth Godin’s thoughts on Nobody Ever Bought Anything in an Elevator

Have you ever wanted to incorporate humor into a presentation, but didn’t  know how?

There is a simple tool:  Self-deprecating humor.

Put yourself down to bring the laughter up!

In addition to being funny, self-deprecating humor makes you seem:

–more confident–confident enough to point out your faults

–more modest–not a puffed up egomaniac

–more likeable–your failings can make you more relatable

A great resource for developing your own humor is Judy Carter’s book, Stand-Up Comedy: The Book.   I’ve paraphrased and simplified some of the material in the book to give you a 3-step process for developing material that pokes fun at yourself.  I call it the LAF process.

1. Lists–write lists of traits and issues
2. Attitude—add attitude
3. Formulas: Apply some humor formulas

1. Lists

Brainstorm under the following categories.  I’ve bared my soul and listed some of my personal issues.

2. Attitude

• Rant and rave on a topic without trying to be funny.  I hate . . .
• Then try to take a mocking attitude. I love . . .  or I’m proud of  . . .

3. Formulas (all involve incongruity)

• Exaggeration
• Set up . . . Punch line
• Rule of 3’s  (expected, expected . . . unexpected)
• Use a prop?

Here was my attempt on ranting and adding some humor formulas to my trait of being “directionally impaired” (more politically correct than “directionally disabled”):

I hate getting lost.   I guess I’m directionally disabled.  It’s disability that gets no respect.  There are no special classes in schools for students who can’t find their way to the bathroom.  People make fun of me—“she gets so lost . . .  she can’t find her way out of a paper bag.”

I hate getting lost.  Nobody wants me to be the driver. My children don’t even like going places with me—they don’t buy the “scenic route” line any more.  The last time I told them we were going to the Mall, they ran to their rooms . . . and packed overnight bags.

I hate getting lost.  Now that I have GPS Navigation on my phone, you wouldn’t think it is such a problem.  But I think my GPS is defective—or not very good at math.  Almost every time I take a turn it says “recalculating.”

I hate getting lost.  When I get lost 3 things come to mind:  where am I?  Will I be late? And, I’m sure glad I always have  . . . my overnight bag!

Your turn!  LAF your way to being funny!

More Do’s and Don’ts of Self-Deprecating Humor

I found it  exhilarating, efficient, and enlightening.    It was exhilarating because we only had 4 minutes to chat before switching to a new conversation partner.  It was efficient because 4 minutes was enough time to determine if there was a likely reason to follow up (strategic partner or referral source).  With the facilitator forcing us to switch, there was no need to have an “exit” plan to move onto another person.  It was enlightening because I realized that the people attending this networking event, like most small business networking events, were neither my target market (for professional speaking and executive presentation coaching) nor were they likely to be either strategic partners or referral partners.  To take a negative view, I probably wasted my time.

But I prefer a positive take!  In traditional networking mixers, I spend much more than 4 minutes with people.  I love getting to know people, whether or not we might build a business relationship.  Everyone has a story and I love hearing their story and connecting with them.  Talking with new people is a lot of fun for me–chit chat is like cat nip to my soul.  The fun of chit chat often dulls my realization that certain conversations will likely be non-productive business-wise.  Not so with speed-networking.  There was no time for chit chat, so the lack of a real business reason to follow up was painfully clear.

However, I don’t think I wasted my time because  I learned a valuable lesson that was obscured for me in traditional networking mixers: Focus your networking and connection-building with your Target Clients or Targeted Strategic and Referral Partners.   Don’t just fill your calendar with networking events.  Select your events mindfully.  Ask yourself this question before attending a networking event:  Will Target Clients, Strategic Partners or Referral Partners likely be there? 

If not, maybe you are wasting your time.

1. Listen more than you talk. You already know this, but are you doing this effectively?  The secret is to ask open-ended questions (questions that can’t be answered with a “yes” or “no”), reflect on the answers and make follow up comments or questions to clarify your understanding.  Listen for “pain points” and then,

2. Find a way to offer help. Become known as a “go-to” person.  Be the one that has the resources and knows the people who can help.  Follow up on conversations with emails that offer information related to your conversation.

3. Don’t give someone your business card unless they ask.   When it comes to business cards, it is better to receive than give.  If you give someone your card, you have given them all the power.  You want to get their card.  Ask if it is OK for you to follow up, connect on LinkedIn, etc.

4.  Don’t use an elevator speech.  Prepared 30  or 60 second commercials may be fine for formal networking events where they are expected, but they fall flat in one-on-one conversation.  Nobody wants to be pitched the moment they meet someone.  Wait until  someone asks “What do you do?” or shows some interest and then have a “bumper-sticker” version of your elevator speech, of about 12 words or fewer that leaves the listener wanting more.   Perhaps have more than one “bumper-sticker” to apply to different types of people.  Let’s say you sell jewelry.  If you are talking to a busy-budget minded mom, you might say, “I sell affordable, classic jewelry that can be both casual and dressy.”  If you are talking to a corporate executive (a guy who might need some gift ideas for wife or daughter), you might say, “I sell unique, investment-quality jewelry that says ‘I’m worth it.’”

5.  Use storytelling.  Everybody loves a good story, as long as it is relevant to the conversation.  Stories connect with people on an emotional level and have the added bonus of being memorable.  If you want people to remember you and remember your message (or product/service), tell a story.  For example, again using jewelry,  you could tell a story about a custom piece that you made for a customer.  Why did they want it?  How do they enjoy it?

6.  Use self-disclosure.  Now, I’m not talking about getting uncomfortably personal.  But all too often I see networking newbies follow the advice of “ask questions” and take it to the extreme.  They ask so many questions, that the other person never discovers anything about them.  A one-sided relationship isn’t a relationship.  Go ahead and ask questions, but reflect on the answers and provide some personal input.  Let the other person know that you have faced similar challenges or had similar failings and you will build a common bond.  People like other people who seem like themselves.    You can also use a tiny bit of self-disclosure when you ask questions.  See #7

 7. Break the Ice by warming up your questions.  Make an observational comment about something you both experience.  Follow that with a transitional comment that reveals a tidbit of information about yourself and then ask an open-ended question.

Example: A networking event

1.  Observation comment: “I notice you have an iPhone.”

2.  Personal tidbit:  “I’ve been using a Blackberry for years, but I’m considering an iPhone.”

3.  Question:  “What do you like about the iPhone?”

What are some ways that have worked for you to make authentic connections when networking?