7 Principles for Making Relationships Work at Work

7 Principles for Making Relationships Work at Work

Whether you’re married or not, you can apply some marriage relationship advice to your work relationships.  Like  marriage relationships, work relationships take nurturing to be most satisfying and productive.

My last post, 6 Signs of Bad Conversational Habits that Kill Relationships, was based on Dr. John Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  This post will introduce the seven marriage principles in the book and my recasting of the concepts for business relationships.  The next seven posts will go into more depth about the applications of each of the business principles.

Business Principle 1:  Learn What Makes Them Tick

Marriage Principle: Enhance Your Love Maps

Emotionally intelligent couples are intimately familiar with each other’s world. They have a richly detailed love map (that part of your brain where you store information about your partner’s life). Because emotionally intelligent couples know each other’s goals in life, each other’s worries, and each other’s hopes, they are far better prepared to cope with stressful events and conflict.

Business Principle 2:  Give Honor and Respect

Marriage Principle: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration

People who are happily married like each other. Even when the other person is driving them crazy, they still feel that the person is worthy of honor and respect. By simply remembering your spouse’s positive qualities, you can prevent a happy marriage from deteriorating.

Business Principle 3: Create Moments of Connection

Marriage Principle: Turn toward Each Other Instead of Away.

This just means that the couple connects with each other in lots of chit chat and other moments of connection. Partners who characteristically turn toward each other rather than away are putting money in their “emotional bank account,” building up emotional savings that can serve as a cushion when times get rough.

Business Principle 4:  Share Power

Marriage Principle: Let Your Partner Influence You.

This is typically much more of a challenge for men in a marriage. Statistically speaking, when a man is not willing to share power with his partner, there is an 81 percent chance that his marriage will self-destruct. Emotionally intelligent husbands have figured out the one big thing: how to convey honor and respect.

Business Principle 5:  Cope with Problems Strategically

Marriage Principle: Solve Your Solvable Problems.

All marital conflicts fall into one of two categories: Either they can be resolved, or they are perpetual (which means they will be a part of your lives forever, in some form or another). Happy couples learn to keep a perpetual problem in its place and to have a sense of humor about it. You many not love the problem, but you are able to cope with it, to avoid situations that worsen it and to develop strategies to deal with it. You need a willingness to explore the hidden issues that are really causing the gridlock.

Business Principle 6: Move from Gridlock to Dialogue

Marriage Principle: Overcome Gridlock

The goal in ending gridlock is not to solve the problem, but rather to move from gridlock to dialogue. You will learn to live with the problem. To navigate your way out of gridlock, you have to first understand its cause. Gridlock is a sign that you have dreams (hopes, aspirations, and wishes that are part of your identity) for your life that aren’t being addressed or respected by each other.

Business Principle 7: Create a rich “Work Culture”

Marriage Principle: Create Shared Meaning

Marriage isn’t just about raising kids, splitting chores, and making love. It can also have a spiritual dimension that has to do with creating an inner life together—your own “marriage culture” with symbols, traditions and rituals, and an appreciation for your roles and goals that link you.

Stay tuned for the 7 principles applications.  Next post:   Business Principle 1:  Learn What Makes Them Tick

Advertisements

About Diane Windingland
I speak for organizations that want their people to have better, more profitable conversations.

13 Responses to 7 Principles for Making Relationships Work at Work

  1. Joe Sharp says:

    Diane Wall St. Journal covers same topic recently (I have the article). They suggest you don’t give too much advice to a partner. Their study shows many take suggestions as criticism. They cover tackful ways to suggest new ways that avoid the criticism. If you want, I could copy their article and mail it to you. Joe

  2. Pingback: 7 Principles for Making Relationships Work at Work | Small Talk, Big … | Love Advice

  3. Pingback: 10 Ways to Learn What Makes People Tick at Work | Small Talk, Big Results

  4. Pingback: The Platinum Plus Rule: Honor and Respect of Best Selves | Small Talk, Big Results

  5. Pingback: The Respect Virus: 7 Ways to Spread It at Work | Small Talk, Big Results

  6. Pingback: Create Moments of Connection at Work in 2 Minutes | Small Talk, Big Results

  7. Pingback: Don’t Just Empower: 4 Ways to Share Power | Small Talk, Big Results

  8. Pingback: Cope with Work Relationship Problems Strategically | Small Talk, Big Results

  9. Pingback: Overcome Conversational Gridlock At Work | Small Talk, Big Results

  10. Pingback: The Respect Virus: 7 Ways to Spread It at Work | RECHARGE Personal Power

  11. My brother suggested I might like this web site. He was totally right.
    This post truly made my day. You cann’t imagine simply how much time I
    had spent for this info! Thanks!

  12. Joyce says:

    It’s going to be end of mine day, however before ending I am reading this enormous
    post to increase my know-how.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: